pleasantly suprised

so i got a little side swiped last night while during dinner at the pastor's house (so jeff wright is the pastor at the church i go to... grace church. and shona is his wife. and i met them at sports camp and they instantly fell in love with me. they have three kids: anna, 17; jay, 15; and abby, 11. they love me too. and they invited me to their house for dinner. and monday night was the best night that d and i could come and that they could have us over. so there we were...) when jeff asked me if i had to go home. really, he asked, "do you have to go home?" and i said "yes." and then he said, "why?" and i said, "i have a job and a commitment and they've invested in me." and he said, "wouldn't you rather have an internship at the church?" and i was thinking, "yes and why on earth are you inviting me to stay? and i can't," all at the same time. so i told him i didn't have any definate plans for september yet and that sorta raised his brows a bit, but we didn't talk about it again. maybe cause d was there and i don't think she's invited to the internship part.
it was crazy though, cause i've been teased about staying by paul, my camp director and boss, and other people from camp and the church and the community i'm in here, but i've never been tempted to stay before. (apparently people do this a lot: stay that is. they come out for a few weeks or a couple months holiday and then end up just extending their visa and staying.) but yeah, when jeff asked me... it was the first time that something in me really thought it could be a reality. (don't worry, it isn't... not yet!)
so yeah, i really love that family. i really trust shona. she's demontrated discernment and spoken truth and been very encouraging to me a couple of times (in the couple of times that we've ever talked) and jeff's sermons are always confriming what God is teaching me throughout the week. and i really love playing with abby because i think she reminds me of myself a little.
there was this one time when i think i was talking about nepal and i don't remember where else i mentioned i had been and shona kinda interupted the story to exlaim about how i've traveled so much and then she asked what iw as running from and i think i said something like, 'i don't think i'm running from anything so much as chasing after something.' which she seemed to like, but i definately heard jeff ask, "what are you chasing?" but somehow converstion shifted just then and i never answered the question. they funny thing is... i was just in bed not sleeping because i don't think i know, i don't think i know what i am chasing. just that i am running hard after something. my place? God? love? meaning? adventure? community? yes, a little to all. but not a resounding yes! but i think most of those things are found in God anyways... so then, really, i should be able to live in those no matter where i am... cause He'll always be with me. so there must be something else spurring me on. but as of yet, i can't give it a name. i think i can feel it,... yes, there is something there. but it is still a mystery. hmm, mysterious, like me!